About this Blog

Here you will find information and writings by Carrie Dalby, both fiction and nonfiction, as well as the ups and downs of life.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Numb no More

I've felt emotionally numb off and on over the years, especially since becoming a mother. It's difficult to draw the line between mother-fatigue and depression but either (and most diffidently the combination of the two!) could be counted as a cause of the numbness.

Since my WIP is a teen novel, I felt the urge to reconnect to my younger, emotional self. Pictures from the era provide an opening but it's my poetry that drags all the emotions back—kicking and screaming.
And, wow, was I in touch with my inner angst!
Check out my brooding self in Pebble Beach, 1992....

Oh, I miss my hair!

I thought it'd be fun to start adding a few poems to each post—providing a flash-portrait of some of the imaginings of my former self. I'll even put the desperately awful ones up.

I'll start things off with a poem which I turned in to my Creative Writing teacher and he wrote a “please see me” note on the bottom of it. I was too embarrassed to confront him, thinking he might be suspecting abuse or something. But he never followed up on it, not sure if that's good or bad... hmm.

The poem, written by my sixteen year old self, was inspired by the movie ___________.

Wait, you tell me!
(Hint: 80's fantasy. No, the movie title is NOT in the poem/title.)


Mask

Illusions surround
my every move
Walking through the corridor of eternity
I feel tampered with and used

Down the path I see someone I know
look again
it isn't who it seems to be
A face turned and twisted
in my mind
to become fantasy

But after all
what is a face
environment
or a smile?
They are things we hide behind
truths we run from for miles.



What movie do you think it is? Comment!
The first correct person might win an autographed copy of the poem. :)

And don't forget to vote.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Dreaded Year-end Blog

Or shall we call it “The New Beginnings Blog”?
Yes, that's much better. See, barely a year older and already wiser.

Speaking of birthdays, here's a picture of my most awesome gift.



I'd get frustrated with it but it's too much fun. Whoever created this is an evil genius.



Since I changed my New Year's resolutions into birthday goals, I pulled out the dusty list and decided what was mastered, what needed continual coverage, and what had to be ditched. Here's the latest line-up.

For my “physical” goal, I dumped the “get below ___” and have set in place actual monthly mile goals, as well as how many times a month, to chart my exercise. Life is too short to live by numbers, whether it's counting calories or trying to get those last five (or twenty, or more...) pounds off before you can feel totally happy with yourself. Just give me jeans that don't create a muffin-top effect and a shirt that doesn't make me look six months pregnant and I feel great. But I must admit, it's getting harder to find those clothes...

“Mental” was difficult to keep (no snide remarks, please!)—reading one non-fiction book a month. Some months I read more than one and other months I was lucky to keep up with my scripture studies and my few magazine/newsletter subscriptions (which are non-fiction). So, I'm keeping it simple: Keep learning!

“Spiritual” is a keeper. I still need to improve the quality of my prayers. It's just too easy to whisper a quick “thank you” and snuggle into bed at night. Or keep hitting snooze until all the kids are running around and I forget to start the day on my knees.

For the “emotional” aspect of life I've broadened my goal to include more things but removed the actual time constraints. So, instead of completing an emotional inventory once a month (I only got around to doing two this past year) I'll “keep track of my emotional state by regular (how's that for a cop out?) journal keeping, testing, and meditation.” In case you were wondering, I do the Beck Depression Inventory and Burns Anxiety Inventory tests to track my ups and downs, as suggested by a great counselor many years ago. But that's another entry...

“Social”: I totally suck with all things social. I'm keeping my dinky goal of having one date with my husband a month because I really need to work on spending quality time with my man. And I'm too much of a wallflower to attempt weekly/monthly social gatherings.

I think “Family” is the only goal I excelled at. We are in the habit of weekly Family Home Evenings so I'm upping the goal to have daily devotionals. Just a mini something, beyond the reading of a verse or two of scriptures before bed I already do with the kids. I'll be homeschooling my oldest next school year (yet another future entry) so the daily devotionals would work well into a schooling schedule.

“Financial” is tough. Didn't meet the goal but I'm thinking positively and increasing—actually decreasing—the numbers. Oh, those pesky numbers again! Didn't I just write something about life being too short to live by numbers. Might need to rethink this one...

I came close to meeting my “professional” goal. I wanted to complete the first draft—I'm about two-thirds of the way through—of Corroded, my WIP (work in progress). My new goal is to have Corroded polished in time for the 2011 submission deadline for the Delacorte contest. Hopefully the publishing company will keep that contest going, but if not, I'll look for an agent or submit elsewhere. Delacorte offers a yearly prize for the best contemporary teen book for a first time novelist. The winner is published with an advance as the prize money. Since that goal will actually extend beyond my next birthday—submission is in the fall—I've also added to begin my historical fiction novel, which I've been researching/thinking/planning/etc on for the past couple years. Plus, I will be open to submitting short pieces for publication or contests when the opportunities arise, but I don't want to add in a goal for those. Less stress.


Feel free to urge me along with these goals. Keep me on task by asking me how something is going. I do much better at staying focused when I have someone checking on me. That's why my BFF (Blog Free February) was so successful—I felt I had to answer to Laurie Halse Anderson.


On to other things...

I've read several interesting books in the past month.

The Map of True Places by Brunonia Barry kept me as interested in the story as The Lace Reader, her first book.

It always helps when Hawthorne references are thrown in but the mental issues driving the story were well crafted by themselves. The fact that I visited Salem two years ago makes her books that much easier to visualize while reading. Brunonia's books are two out of maybe six “adult” fiction books I've read in the past year or more. They aren't squeaky clean, so reader beware.


From the local library I borrowed The Art and Craft of Writing Historical Fiction by James Alexander Thom.

His actual novels are now on my to read list. The book is a great source of information and easily digested. I even read it before bed several times instead of my usual fluffy reading.


Speaking of fluff, my last nighttime read was the type of novel I'd usually skip. But since I was lucky enough to get an advanced reader's copy (which I also got for The Map of True Places) I tried it out. One of those upper class high school novels... it's called She's So Dead to Us, written by Kieran Scott.

It's better than I expected—stayed up three nights in a row, way past my usual lights out, to read. But even though the ending was more of a beginning (sequel/series in the works, I'm sure) it's not something I'll seek out again.

Tonight I'll start When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead because Newbery winners seldom disappoint. Another library selection.


A few other things of interest that happened in April:



I saw my first 3-D movie since Captain Eoo at Disneyland in the mid 1980s. Alice in Wonderland was great! The technology and the story were a great match. I loved the older Alice and how the movie started and ended. Still not my favorite Johnny Depp performance, though. That goes to Benny and Joon.




Took a day trip to New Orleans to spend a few hours with my awesome cousin who was down south from out west on business. We hadn't seen each other since a reunion in 1994, I think it was. I'd have to check the cow shirt to be sure...

The family spent “A Day Out with Thomas” one rainy Saturday afternoon. The kids LOVED all the trains, especially the ride on Thomas the Tank Engine, even though he was terribly SLOW.

Spent a dozen collective hours at the Little League park.

And all the kids went to the dentist for cleanings, the youngest for the first time. We'll be dealing with a cavity-filling appointment in the future. Gag.




No, they aren't that bad on the little princess's teeth. This pictures makes me feel a little better, though.

Wow! It looks like I need to return to blogging more often. This blog is huge!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

It's Been a Month

I haven't blogged in over a month now. I've thought about it a few times but life rolled on without typing.

Haven't read any blogs in about two weeks. Will skim through and check-up on a few right now.

Hadn't checked Twitter or FaceBook in over 48 hours until just a few minutes ago. And that was AFTER writing half a page in Chapter Twelve of Corroded.

My birthday is less than a week away and most goals will not be perfected by then. But I'm much better off than I was a year ago.

Look for an updated blog/ramble next week....

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Sand Castle Dreams

I played in the sand this evening. Up to my elbows and across my lap. I didn't worry about getting gritty—I only cared about sharing a memory with my kids and reconnecting with my inner-child.

There was a fair amount of rain earlier today. Not enough to create standing water but it soaked the ground just right. The “sand pit” in the yard was perfect for building tunnels and towers. So down I went. A pale dusting of sand covered my black crop pants within seconds. By the time the first tunnel was constructed, and the Matchbox van successfully pushed through, damp sand clung to my bare arms. Somewhere between the second tunnel and the sandcastle mound the grit worked its way down my shirt. It might have happened when I grabbed the littlest Godzilla before she could collapse the prized passages.

By the time we were finished, I was far dirtier than the kids . Instead of trying to brush the sand off I rubbed it between my hands and fingers, then up and down my arms. My skin is now smoother than it's been for ages.




On a different note:

Yesterday I finished reading Alice I Have Been by Melanie Benjamin. It's a historical novel about the life of Alice Liddell, who was the inspiration for Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. What could have become a scandalous story was treated with dignity. The emotions were sensual and honest but the whole story was respectful. The ending unveils what I wish to believe of Mr. Do-do-dodgson and young Alice.

Monday, March 1, 2010

I Did It!

I survived Blog Free February, with the bonus of not using social networking sites. But to be fair, I must list my infractions.

I cheated day one, February first, only to check Laurie Halse Anderson's Live Journal site to see if she posted about Blog Free February since she didn't over the weekend. She'd posted, calling for her readers everywhere to decrease their internet time to increase their creative productivity. I was geared up and wrote two and a half pages that day—more than twice my regular amount.

February tenth I received a message from from our dear old Facebook stating that my BFF from elementary school was requesting friendship. I went to that acceptance page only. Then, I sent an e-mail to tell her I wouldn't be on FB until next month.

On February eleventh a cousin tagged me in a photo on pesky FB and one of my sisters and another cousin commented on the photo. I gave in to the curiosity and looked at the photo page and was rewarded by a black and white group shot of more than a dozen cousins from a family reunion circa 1982. And yes, I did leave a comment that it looked like I was pulling out a wedgie.

February nineteenth a BFF from middle school requested my FB friendship so, once again, I logged on to the friendship request page only. (Blog Free February didn't mean I had to ignore my BFFs.) And while I was there I went ahead and friended all the other people who had requested I add them over the last few weeks. Yes, I had ignored many other FB requests.


And the results of my month long effort. Drum roll, please...

I doubled the productivity of my most successful writing month (since I've kept track of my page counts last fall.) More than tripled my average writing page count per month. I actually wrote while the kids were all awake during the day and after they were all asleep several times. I'd been limiting myself to nap-time only writing for some silly reason.

I've listened to more music than I have in the last few years, partly due to my new iPod and iTunes account. With my complete music collection on my computer it's easy to listen and find inspiration while working. Long live Mitch Malloy!

Plus, I increased my mileage for exercising. Since I wasn't checking several sites first thing in the morning (and didn't have half a dozen or more e-mails about follow-up comments on FB) I had more time to devote to my workout before the kids woke up.

I've decided what I can live without: TMI and information over-load.

Aside from hiding the apps on FB (which I've been doing for months) I'll be hiding some people from my news feed to cut down on the time I spend catching up with family scattered across the states and close-to-my-heart-but-far-way friends. I think I concurred the need to scroll through every posting since last visit. But in case my OCD flares and I get the urge to do so, having less people on the news feed page will shorten the time doing so.

Twitter I was only checking once a day, but I could easily go a day or more without it. It's diffidently a good networking tool so I want to keep it around.

As for blogging... I won't try to post weekly but I'm sure I'll blog at least once or twice a month. I'll probably drop a couple of the blogs I've been following, too.

On a side note, I've been awake for several hours and haven't checked FB or Twitter of any blogs. But I will as soon as I post this. :)