Numb no More

I've felt emotionally numb off and on over the years, especially since becoming a mother. It's difficult to draw the line between mother-fatigue and depression but either (and most diffidently the combination of the two!) could be counted as a cause of the numbness.

Since my WIP is a teen novel, I felt the urge to reconnect to my younger, emotional self. Pictures from the era provide an opening but it's my poetry that drags all the emotions back—kicking and screaming.
And, wow, was I in touch with my inner angst!
Check out my brooding self in Pebble Beach, 1992....

Oh, I miss my hair!

I thought it'd be fun to start adding a few poems to each post—providing a flash-portrait of some of the imaginings of my former self. I'll even put the desperately awful ones up.

I'll start things off with a poem which I turned in to my Creative Writing teacher and he wrote a “please see me” note on the bottom of it. I was too embarrassed to confront him, thinking he might be suspecting abuse or something. But he never followed up on it, not sure if that's good or bad... hmm.

The poem, written by my sixteen year old self, was inspired by the movie ___________.

Wait, you tell me!
(Hint: 80's fantasy. No, the movie title is NOT in the poem/title.)


Mask

Illusions surround
my every move
Walking through the corridor of eternity
I feel tampered with and used

Down the path I see someone I know
look again
it isn't who it seems to be
A face turned and twisted
in my mind
to become fantasy

But after all
what is a face
environment
or a smile?
They are things we hide behind
truths we run from for miles.


What movie do you think it is? Comment!
The first correct person might win an autographed copy of the poem. :)

And don't forget to vote.

The Great Quandary

I'm a follower of about two dozen blogs. On Mondays I usually scroll through the last week's postings. It actually took over an hour—about three hours, with hit-and-miss computer time while mothering the little ones—to catch up on all the posts this time. I'm in need of a new strategy to combat the blog information highway. Several of the blogs I've just started reading. If they don't turn out to be what I hope them to be, I'll quit wasting my time with them. But for now, I think I'll have to check in at least twice a week to keep my time more manageable.

And my Twitter feed is backing up, too. I'm only following twenty-three people. Mostly writing related, of course. I used to only check in once a day but it's getting difficult to keep up with those as well.

I won't even get into Facebook... well, maybe. I keep my friend list small. I'd like to keep it under a hundred always, it's in the low eighties right now, but I'll see how that works out. I have deleted a few people over the past year. Like those who never, ever comment/message me and have over three hundred “friends”. I figure they wouldn't miss me anyway. FB, since it is my family and friends on there, I try to check twice a day. And even then, it's usually between a hundred and two hundred updates within the past ten-twelve hours. And that's with blocking apps!

I deleted my MySpace account months ago. There was only one friend I haven't found anywhere else—on the sites listed above—that I'd like to keep up with, but it wasn't worth keeping MySpace open just for him. Well... no!

And, yes, because of my OCD I do feel the need to scroll back through EVERYTHING since I last posted on each site. I just don't want to miss that one thing that might make the difference to me or be oblivious to the vital information in the life of a loved one.

I'm trying to decide what online tools are the best use of my time. My goal is to build a network of writing related people/information. The Twitter account is great. I mean, the likes of Laurie Halse Anderson and Meg Cabot are following me—can't beat that! Though I doubt they scroll through all the tweets on their lists... especially Meg Cabot, since she's close to twenty thousand or something crazy like that. And most of the blogs I've started following recently were from links on Twitter. People keep adding me, mostly other writers—I do block the spam/weird ones. I think when other writers/etc see me being followed they are adding me to their network, too.

But since my FB account is private I need a public place to link my blog to—don't I? Or do those of you reading out there—that linked to this blog via Twitter or Blogger—do you think a blog is necessary for an emerging writer? Can I create a decent enough writer's space on a Twitter home page? Or should I make a public page for my writing on FB and people can become my fan? (Oh, I feel the ego swelling...)

Please weigh in on this, either in the comment section below or on FB, if you are lucky enough to be my friend, or tweet me.

And while you are at it... do you prefer this blog to be personal (child number three did x, y and z today) or keep it more about reading/writing/etc? Or a mix of both?

Speaking of... in the last post I mentioned I wanted to start listing what I'm reading. Last week I read three little devotional-type books about motherhood plus finished up True Blue Forever by Joyce Sterling Scarbrough. (For those keeping score, I try to read non-fiction during the day and fiction at night to keep myself diversified.)

New Year, Better Me

I skipped last week. And I don't want to muddle through any hum-drum excuses or anything. (Cough. Cough.)

All the blogs I read have posts wrapping up the blogger's 2009 thoughts so I figured I'll actually go along with a trend.

I've enjoyed a year of raising kids and appreciating the differences between boys and girls, now that I finally have a girl.

Read lots of books, as usual. Too many to name, but Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson was the most haunting. I'll try to start mentioning what I'm reading with each post.

Writing—yes!!! I joined the local Writer's Guild and was honored in being extended a spot in a small critique group.

I actually went to the movie theater TWICE. Of course both movies were for books (in two different series) I enjoy. Can you guess which ones?

I've improved my health and am sticking with regular exercise.

My life-list for bird watching is now at seventy-six species I've identified.

I've been able to complete numerous knitting projects and feel like I might be ready to advance to more varied patterns.

My husband and I celebrated thirteen years together a few weeks ago.

And... a bunch of other things. You can go back and read my previous posts if you really want to know more.

Love and best wishes for a productive 2010 to all—especially to Katherine Paterson as she takes over the position as the National Ambassador for Children's Literature.

A List of all Things NEVER

Whenever I say never I usually break my own rule or find an exception to the rule but the following are pretty much set as absolutes for me now.

1.NEVER trust people who name “Lucy” as their favorite Peanuts character.
2.NEVER judge a parent because his/her child is screaming/etc in a public place. If you feel the need to judge, check how the parent is REACTING to the child.
3.NEVER leave pens unattended—even for a few seconds—while a toddler is in the room.
4.NEVER rely on your memory once you hit twenty-five—write everything down.
5.NEVER allow your checking account to get below $10.
6.NEVER leave a bag of bird seed outside over-night.
7.NEVER walk for a prolonged period on cement in the summer while barefoot.
8.NEVER assume your husband will feed the children while he's babysitting.
9.NEVER forget that the habits you despise in other people are usually those you have, too.
10. NEVER go against a Sicilian when death is on the line.



Okay, so I borrowed the last one. I just love that movie... if you don't know what it is you're missing something!

Tell me your experiences regarding these topics and add your own, too. Be sure to let me know if you want me to expand on any of these on future blogs.

Kodak Moments

This week I have the daunting task of taking a group shot of the kids. Not just any shot, but one that's worthy to stuff inside countless Christmas cards and hang on the bulletin board at the pediatrician's office.

Taking a picture of one child is easy.

Two kids, not so bad.

Three makes me appreciate the freedom and cost saving benefits of a digital camera.

Last year I took close to a hundred pictures over two separate days. I quit before tears could turn to wailing—several of us were on the verge of crying. I settled for a picture that none of them were blinking, and the boys were both smiling and looking at the camera. The princess, well, she was looking at the Christmas tree.
Mental note- stand in front of the tree when trying to get a baby's attention.

Here's a sample of one of the better pictures, altered to protect the guilty and for therapeutic reasons:



Yes, I caught the baby before she fell over!

I think this year will be slightly easier. Last year I was dealing with a princess who had to be held by her brother and a year-three-old. Is it just me or are three-year-olds more “terrible” than two-year-olds?

This year it's eleven years, four years, and fourteen months. It could result in extra pain and suffering, since the youngest is now able to run away, but I'm going to keep my expectations high.

I might even attempt to take the picture while on an outing to our favorite location. That would mean dressing the kids in respectable clothing and keeping them clean while we tramp around in search of the perfect photo spot. Visions of Mrs. Tabitha Twitchit setting her kittens loose in the garden while she finishes preparing tea come to mind.

Might need to rethink that idea...

Do You Love a Banned Book?

It's banned books week!

http://www.ala.org/ala/issuesadvocacy/banned/bannedbooksweek/index.cfm

Some of my favorite authors have banned books and books that have attempted to be banned from schools and libraries. Katherine Paterson, Madeleine L'Engle, and Laurie Halse Anderson are three that come to mind.

Katherine Paterson's Bridge to Terabithia is my favorite novel of all-time. Some parents have concerns about it because the main character has a crush on his young female music teacher (what kid hasn't had a crush on a teacher?) and also because a death in the book. No spoiler beyond that- just READ it. It won the Newbery Award for a reason!

Madeleine L'Engle ranks in the top five Christian fiction writers of the last century- I'm talking with the likes of Tolkien and Lewis, may they all rest in peace. Some people are scared of the book A Wrinkle in Time because it doesn't meet their ideal of religion- that it's too “new age”. If you want correct doctrine don't go looking for it in a novel... but you can find universal truths in the symbolism therein.

The most recent attempts at banning were blogged about by by Laurie Halse Anderson at her site last week. http://halseanderson.livejournal.com/264680.html
Twisted, one of her novels on the chopping block, is possibly the most eye-opening novel I've read. As a parent it made me fear for my boys upcoming teen years. Heavy, yes. Uncomfortable at times, yes. Worth it for the learning experience, yes! It's a novel I'll allow my children to read once they reach a level of maturity in which the topics can be digested properly. A wonderful talking point to encourage conversation between parents and children.

Parents need to read what their children are reading. Literature can be a gateway in which scary, tough, and heavy topics can be approached in a safe, third person way. Books are tools, learn how to use them appropriately.

I'm participating in a month long writing challenge hosted by Laurie Halse Anderson called “Write Fifteen Minutes a Day” (WFMAD). Laurie Halse Anderson is one of my favorite authors- check out her latest book Wintergirls. She did WFMAD last summer as well and I wrote every day except twice and they were on Sundays. The Sabbath is suppose to be a day of rest so I didn't feel guilty about missing those few days.

For last year's WFMAD I was on a roll with a story. It's one I started piecing together back in 2002. I had character bios/photos, maps, and about seven pages before I started WFMAD. By the end of the writing month last summer it had grown to about thirty-eight pages with lots of updates and tweaking of characters. Yes, I averaged a page a day. For a mom who hadn't spent much time writing in the past decade that was HUGE!

I kept going a few days after the challenge ended but the document has been untouched since then- rotting away its forty pages.

Of course I have good excuses: about a month later I gave birth to baby number three and everything I'd established fell through the grates. Even that last month of pregnancy was void of any logical or creative thinking. I was on autopilot. Sorting and reorganizing baby clothes was about all I was good for, beyond caring for my boys of course. Excuses, in three varied sizes!

So here I sit, a year later, over a week into the WFMAD challenge and I still haven't touched my manuscript. I don't want to write anything until I reread it because that helps me get in the flow. And I've been avoiding reading it. But how do I find the flow without reading?

I can't!

I'm off to read so I don't have the excuse of not working on it. Plus, I'm giving myself homework... more on that next week.