I'm Melting!

Last month we were blessed with unseasonably moderate temperatures along the Gulf Coast. So far June is making up for May's easy days. The heat index is 99 right now, the thermostat is reading 95F. One can only pray for afternoon thunderstorms to cool things off a bit but this week doesn't haven't much stacked in favor for rain.

Yes, I'm talking weather.

Out of topics or news, you might be thinking. Not really.

Exterior climate affects my interior climate.

Ask my family- they'll let you know I've been running hot lately. Easily frustrated and short tempered. Diffidently not my usual self. But 'tis the season for stress and anxiety- at least for me. Trapped inside during the summer much like northerners are trapped inside during the winter.

My oldest son has trouble regulating his body temperature, as part of his immune system issues, so he over-heats easily.

Mosquitoes are attracted to my middle child like squirrels to magnolia blossoms. (Yes, those critters eat the magnolia buds!)

The baby doesn't need to be around heat or bugs.

And I don't want to either, if I can help it!

So we spend a lot of time indoors.

Summer, here I come!

A picture of the boys enjoying a rain puddle in the "sink hole". They love to splash and get dirty. But, thankfully, they do like to get clean after!

This school year passed quickly- today's the last full day. I've been busy with two kids at home while my oldest goes to school. Baby number three was born last September, a month after school started here. That last month of pregnancy I spent running around trying to make sure everything was in order. During that month the soon-to-be middle child, a few months shy of turning three, quit taking naps. I blame myself. It was I who changed up the routine. I hardly slowed down to rest and when I did I crashed in the recliner with the little guy.

So, when baby number three came home, there was no downtime during the day. I'm still trying to regain a since of “quiet time”, if not a nap time, with the now three and a half year old. And I'm suffering through the his crankiness in the middle-late afternoons.

Over the summer I plan on keeping a schedule, more or less, to help keep us from chaos. The oldest needs lots of tutoring. The middle child needs lots of physical activity. The crawling girl needs constant supervision. And I need a creative outlet. Wish me luck on the balancing act!

I scrap, therefore I am

I enjoy scrapbooking, when I'm in the mood. It easily becomes over-whelming because lately I only get around to doing it about twice a year. I have six albums I work on so the work multiples, everything from ordering more prints to keeping supplies well stocked. I have “the family album”, which is currently in its fifth volume and includes any pictures from friends and extended family. One album for each child- the oldest is on his fourth book, the middle on his second, and I'm determined to fit the baby's first year in one volume! Plus I have an album for my husband's sport/hobby pictures- skydiving, fishing, etc. And then I do pages of the family/kids and send them to my in-laws.

Lately I've been thinking about switching to regular photo albums or maybe even digital to save time. But I'll use up my supplies and keep thinking about that because scrapbooking is therapeutic for me. Let me count the ways.

1. I feel like I'm recording my family's history, contributing to their since of worth in the years to come.

2. It provides a creative outlet as I craft a (hopefully) visually pleasing page of memories.

3. It's relaxing to focus on the page at hand, temporarily neglecting the current issues looming above my head.

4. It's nostalgic to focus on the milestones of rapidly growing kids.

5. It helps me remember that “this too shall pass”.

6. I feel like I've accomplished something as I see the albums get thicker.

And on and on.

I'm not a master scrapper or anything. I rely heavily on decorative paper and stickers. (I only buy supplies when they are on sale.) But I think I do a decent job.

I just caught up with my baby girl's album- up through March 2009, which is the last time I ordered prints. Her album is extra fun because I'm doing a fairy tale theme throughout the pages, and for those who know me know I love castles and books.

Five more albums to go! And by the time I'm done, I'll already have several more months to catch up on from April 2009-whenever.

At least the picture taking slows down as the kids get older, for the most part. Those first six months are full of “Kodak Moments!”

Birthday List

The years keep sneaking up on me. I had a nice weekend, even though I'm dealing with a sick/fussy baby. But since my birthday is almost the middle of the year I've been thinking about my goals for 2009. I have a goal for each of the following eight categories: Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Emotional, Social, Family, Financial, and Professional.

I've made progress/kept up with five.

A flat-line in two areas.

And a back-track in one.

Which, if the stats on New Year's Resolutions are true, is above average!

I've come to the conclusion that it might be better to actually commit to my goals for the year – and assess last year's- on my birthday rather than New Year's. It would keep one less thing to do out of the rush of the holiday season. It would utilize the drama of aging as motivation to reach for the next level. And by the time the holidays come around I'll (hopefully) be well established with my new habits as opposed to giving up because the end is near.

That's all well and good for next time around but what do I do with my current list?

Do I see it as an opportunity to have an “extra” five months to meet/keep my 2009 list?

Or do I use my enlightenment to chuck my 2009 goals and start a “By the time I'm 34” list?

"Life is like a box of chocolates..."

At this point in my life I'm eating from the “bittersweet” section.

Most of you know that my oldest child is “special needs”. He suffers from a dysfunctional immune system, which causes neurological interruptions (N.I.D.S.). He has outwardly autistic behaviors as well as internal medical conditions (an active viral infection, food allergies, trouble regulating his body temperature, etc). He's been developmentally delayed since toddlerhood. He'll be eleven years old this summer but he's behind his peers in almost all categories and subjects. But he's also the sweetest kid I know, artistically inclined, and a joy to be with. He's doing a great service in my life, teaching me more about the world and myself (things I embrace and things I'd rather not deal with, but we are where we're at for a reason.)

Since he is my oldest I didn't know what to expect and therefore didn't know what I was missing when he failed to reach developmental milestones. Through years of medical intervention and close monitoring of blood work he is showing improvements, both on the numbers showing in his lab work and his developing of new skills and abilities.

Now with my three and a half year old son I'm seeing the miraculous blossoming of a healthy child. He's not asking the magic “Why?” questions every other minute, but wonders how, where, and when things happen. And that's when he's not busy telling me what he's going to be when he grows up. (Within the last week he's declared he's going to be a skyscraper builder, firefighter, race care driver, and concrete mixer.) This little guy is already “writing” letters to his friends and actively seeking information on anything and everything.

I'm experiencing all the stages my oldest missed because his body was sick and he wasn't able to learn/develop along the typical growth chart. I'm watching little brother surpass older brother with language, socialization, and imagination.

I'm seeing just how much my oldest is trapped in his own world. I'm realizing that after all the gains he's made over the past seven and a half years of treatment he's still grossly behind his peers... and even behind his younger brother.

I'm criticizing myself for slacking off my efforts with him during the past few years, feeling I've neglected the oldest by dividing my time to care for the younger two.

I'm over-whelmed with all the hours and effort I'm needing to put in with him to help him be better able to have a higher quality of life.

I'm aching for the world to see the beautiful soul who peeks out from my son amid the chaotic symptoms of a harsh illness.

But thankfully I'm accepting the massive journey ahead of us and recommitting myself to the up-hill climb.